FREUD, JUNG AND GROF
Zigmund Freud researched libido and the unconscious
And his life was so unconscionable and weird.
He was the subject of debate
And afraid to masturbate,
Grew a very unappealing shaggy beard.
Carl Jung researched depression and neurosis
So he was depressive like a nervous wreck.
He held female patients tight,
Trying to seize their archetype,
As his own wife was an archetype of Shrek.
There's one more illustrious doctor and researcher.
A psychiatrist who's called Stanislav Grof.
But he doesn't look so bad,
He's so cheerful. He's so glad.
Why are you so freaking happy doctor Grof?
Chorus:
Well, the reason is that Grof researches acid,
Well, the reason is he tests an LSD
For his breakfast and his lunch.
Such a drug-filled hearty munch
Has enriched him with a medical degree!
Cause there's nothing quite as interesting as acid.
There's nothing so effective for your head.
It helps you to cope with stress,
Saves from boredom and distress
Introducing schizophrenia instead.
Everyone must dare and start researching acid.
Everyone must live in harmony and light.
Light is closer than one thinks,
Stuff's been added to your drinks.
Thanks so much for your attention and good night!
FAN OF MARRIED MEN
Somebody's fond of David Beckham.
Somebody is Jude Law's fan.
Somebody's dreaming of Jason Statham.
And I’m a fan of the married men.
Married men are obliging and pleasant.
They know all my tastes and desires.
Married men bring wonderful presents.
The presents I don’t like are for their wives.
Chorus:
Married men! Married men!
I am your devoted fan.
Married men! Married men!
Take as many as you can.
Married men are tidy and healthy.
Married men are so easy to please.
They promise I will be famous and wealthy
As soon as I show them a strip-tease.
Ready to give me a hand every minute,
Ready to cheer me up when I'm blue,
If only they manage until it’s midnight
Eat their dinner, drink, chat and screw.
Chorus:
Married men! Married men
!
I am your devoted fan.
Married men! Married men!
Take as many as you can.
Bridge:
If you still think your love will torment them,
Here’s advice that’ll be useful to you.
Don't be afraid and feel free to snare them
Like their wives will normally do.
Chorus:
Married men! Married men!
I am your devoted fan.
Married men! Married men!
Take as many as you can.
Married men! Married men!
They are veins of gold and gem.
Never tired of loving them.
God bless every married man!
PROSTITUTES ARE YOUR BEST WIVES
Men want to marry virtuous, modest,
Innocent virgins who lead a quiet life.
Excuse me for being candid and honest.
A prostitute will be the best ever wife.
When you come home from work, angry and tired,
She'll never pester or shout at you.
No caresses and talks are required.
She needs to recover from her night shift too.
You don't have to be an affectionate fella.
To make her reach orgasm is easy as pie.
Her conditioned reflexes are highly developed.
Just several seconds will prompt her to cry.
Chorus:
Mate your choice is clear,
Go with your gut,
Mate you'd be so happy
If your wife's a slut.
You would find for sure
All you're looking for.
Mate you'd be so lucky
If your wife's a whore.
She looks at your impotence with admiration.
Sex - a wearing routine she is eager to shirk.
So if you suddenly catch her at double penetration,
You may be sure - she is just hard at work.
She's able to save you in dangerous cases.
She won't let you down or burst into tears.
She's thrown out of vans on a regular basis
And correspondingly has no fears.
A prostitute-wife suits playing around.
She'll never ask questions, fall out or maim.
Even if some STD is discovered,
Whatever the case, she is always to blame.
Chorus:
You'll appreciate it
Once you're really smart.
Mate you'll be so cherished
If your wife's a tart.
You won't be like others.
You won't be a dunce.
If your wife's a hooker
You will only pay once.
NO TITTIES SONG
Isn’t it awfully nice to have no titties.
Isn’t it frightfully good to have no cans.
It’s lightly without knockers, it’s immense without boobs.
Life’s easy and untroubled, if you’re without balloons.
If there’re no hooters, you can sunbathe topless.
If there’re no tits, then you can visit ‘Gents’.
You can slumber on your belly, go jogging in the park.
Just in case you fancy banging, mind you do it in the dark.
If there’re no melons, they’ll never dangle.
If there’re no baps, then they’ll never swing.
You can always insert falsies, you can make them go away.
But who cares about your boobies, if your buttocks are OK?
HONEST POLITICIAN
There is a legend told in Russia,
It sounds really like pure fiction,
That long ago before corruption,
There was an honest politician.
Honest! Honest! Honest politician! Honest! Honest! Honest politician!
So diplomatic and forgiving,
He carried out his campaign pledges,
And as he had enough for living,
He asked the staff to cut his wages,
Honest! Honest! Honest politician! Honest! Honest! Honest politician!
He kept an adequate price level,
He struggled to make the tax rate lower,
He stated he prays to the devil
When he was meeting with church-goers.
Honest! Honest! Honest declaration! Honest! Honest! Honest declaration!
He flew on holidays to Holland,
Friends took him to a drinking contest,
He got so drunk he screwed a whore and
Got married as it was quite honest.
Honest! Honest! Very honest action! Honest! Honest! Very honest action!
The newly-weds went on a mission,
Where cannibals attacked the couple.
They asked the honest politician,
To choose the one to cook for supper.
The man said honestly that, sure,
They’d better choose him as nutrition,
Since any stupid dirty whore’s
More useful than a politician!
Honest! Honest! Honest proposition! Honest! Honest! Honest politician!